Installing Magic Lantern on a 550D

Did you try to install Magic Lantern on your shiny new DSLR, only for it to hang at the “Firmware Update Program: Loading…” screen? You are not alone! After many hours of fiddling and Googeling, I have the solution.

Step one: acquire a 512 MB SD card.
Step two: format the SD card with FAT16.
Step three: follow magic lantern install instructions.

Note: if you want to use a different card to actually take photos and shit, format it and run one of the programs linked on the wiki. (Look under “Installing Magic Lantern on other cards”)

My writing is getting worse while my looks just keep getting better

 It’s depressing, it really is. I wrote ten thousand words of pure shit for NaNoWriMo, and now I run across a story I started about a year ago that I think is actually quite nice. It’s like Flowers for Algernon, but not quite so severe. Hopefully. In my defense, I just recently started working [at an actual job that pays me money], so I have been under a bit of stress. The NaNoWriMo attempt was mostly written on my lunch breaks, in fact.

Anyway, enjoy. I may pick this one up again at a later date.

 


 

I’ve seen the movies, all seventeen of them. The original Dawn of the Dead, the six remakes, and ten others, ranging from comedy to horror to romance; all of which contained the most ludicrous trope of them all. Zombies in a shopping mall. I’m a fan – well, was a fan – of zombies. Slow zombies, fast zombies, undead, infected – no matter the type, I inhaled any media that portrayed them. Games, movies, books. I was a master of zombies lore. But I was more then a fan; I was a critic. As such, I could find flaws in zombies stories, and one thing that really bugged me was shopping malls. I’d always thought the most rational thing to do when facing a zombie apocalypse would be to first hit a gunshop to collect weapons and ammo, then block off the entrances to a grocery store with trucks or something. What makes a grocery store better then a mall? Pretty simple: malls have useless entertainment goods – electronics, clothes, and chintzy art, whereas a grocery store would have immense amounts of canned food, bottled water, medicine, and other necessities. I thought I was pretty smart. But as it turns out, Hollywood storytelling has more truth in it then I would have thought. You see, I forgot one crucial detail: I was assuming that I’d actually have time to carry out my plans. But the apocalypse was always depicted as coming without warning, with no time to prepare. And so it was simple statistical odds that I, a youth of sixteen years who spent about three hours every day hanging with friends at the mall, would be at afore said mall when the cargo hauler Impressive Girth, returning to Earth from one of the outer colonies orbiting Sirius, crash landed not two miles from us.

 *     *     *

“Attention, shoppers: we regret to inform you of your impending demise. Please do not panic, there’s nothing you can do. Attention, shoppers: we regret…”

The slightly computerized female voice droned on, but nobody was paying attention to it anymore. We were all staring up through the skylights at a most impressive sight: a black dot, surrounded by jets of orange. At the range it was at I could have covered it with my thumb, but I did not. If this was going to be the last thing I saw, I didn’t want to spoil the view.

“Hot damn,” opinionated one of my friends. His name was Josh; I knew him from our school’s Shooting Club. We had an odd friendship, always trying to out smart-ass each other. I considered his remark, then tapped the search function of my iBrain and quickly found the data I was looking for.

“Hot indeed: those are deep space maneuvering jets that almost approach the surface tempature of the Sun.”

He shot me a look. “I don’t think that makes me feel any better.”

“It wasn’t supposed to.” I fell silent, digging through the data I was still streaming from the ‘net, and found what I was looking for. “That’s what the sound is. Superheated gas causing massive air turbulence.” The roaring sound was getting louder; the skylights started to crack. The black dot was bigger now, the jets brighter. People started to panic now, ignoring the voice coming over the PA system. Josh and I stayed where we were. We were both from rich families who could afford to buy us cybernetic brain implants, and the moment the alert had come through that a ship had malfunctioned and was heading for Earth, we had run the calculations in our cyberbrains. The mall’s AI was right – we were doomed, and nothing we could do would change that. We were also members of the Rationality Club.

“How much do you think it’ll destroy?”

I looked over at Josh. He was still studying the approaching space craft. I started to reach inward, to run the appropriate calculations, then stopped myself. Josh had the same model iBrain I did; he could have run the calculations himself if he wanted a scientific answer. But he’d asked me, so I complied with his unspoken wish for some old-fashioned human sociability. We may have had transistors instead of neurons, but we were still human. “Well…” I thought about it, contemplating the information I had stored in local memory. There’d only been one major crash before now – the first interstellar ship ever launched. There’d been a malfunction – or sabotage, it was never proven which. The Enterprise, it’d been called. An Orion style design, it was mile long and weighed more then a small city. The impact had taken out Australia.

“Well, it’s not that big, is it?” I finally responded. “And it’s slowing fast enough I don’t think it’ll hit that hard. Maybe… a hundred square miles for sure? “

Josh nodded, indicating that he’d come to the same conclusion. The ship was larger now, bigger then my thumb. I tried to think of something to say, something that fit the situation, but couldn’t. I’d already sent letters to all my friends, my family, and my lawyer. There was nothing to do but wait for certain death–

BOOM.

Well, “boom” doesn’t quite cover the sound a hydrogen bomb makes when it goes off a hundred miles above you. All the shatterproof glass in the skylights shattered, raining down upon us and the few others who hadn’t run screaming from the building. My ‘net connection went down a moment later when the EMP hit, bringing down all unshielded electronics. Fortunately our iBrains were completely shielded, but the mall’s power system wasn’t so lucky. The PA system cut out with a squeal and the lights sparked from the overload and flickered out. Then it happened again.

BOOM.

It wasn’t quite as impressive this time around, with no electronics left to disrupt or glass to shatter, but –

BOOM.

Another explosion blossomed in the sky beside the plummeting freighter, and I suddenly realized what was happening: the Navy ships in orbit were firing nuclear warheads, trying to use the explosions to nudge the ship off course.

“Brilliant,” breathed Josh, and I had to agree. Whoever was commanding that Navy ship was in for a promotion or two. Rather then let the the plummeting freighter hit the city, they were trying to push it into the farmland that butted up against the Entertainment District east of here. But it was still going to hit with enough force to kill us anyway, I realized. Unless…

As if in response to my unspoken hope, a brilliant, wavery golden beam punched through the atmosphere and engulfed the ship. Gravity beam. I smiled, almost giddy with relief. One of the Dockyard tugs must of made an in-system hyperspace jump to get here from Pluto. Extremely dangerous, but the risk had obviously payed off. We were saved.

I looked at Josh. He had a ridiculously goofy grin on his face. I realized I was wearing a similar one. “Hot damn,” I said with feeling. We both burst out laughing, clutching our sides, gasping for breath. Overhead, the ship seemed to slowly float sideways, that slipped gracefully beneath the horizon…

The impact cannot be written as simply “boom.” “Thud” would be closer, though it does not accurately reflect the truth of the matter. Have you ever been near a fat man doing jumping jacks on a wooden floor? Felt his impact travel through the floorboards into your bones? Now imagine you’re an ant – mosquito, even – an inch away from his foot as it comes down.

We were mosquitoes, the Earth was the floorboards, and the interstellar cargo hauler Impressive Girth was a very, very fat man.

The floor bounced, tiles cracked, pillars snapped, the east wall caved in, and a sea of pulverized dirt washed over the mall, blocking out the sun. Small rocks – and some not so small – fell through the open skylights. Silence, such as it was, returned.

I pushed myself unsteadily to my feet, wincing from the bruises I knew would be showing tomorrow. Josh and the few food court denizens left were doing the same. I tried establishing a connection, but no luck – the WiMax relay stations were down, and probably would be back up for quite a while. Not that it mattered much, because the evacuation of the city was probably already underway. We should both be getting home to our respective families, as they were undoubtedly worried. But another few minutes wouldn’t hurt, especially if it meant we’d get to see a sight we’d remember for the rest of our lives. I looked at Josh, and he looked back with a grin that matched mine. We ran to the stairway. Not to go down, but up – up to the open aired observation deck of Raccoon City Mall.

We stopped abruptly after clearing the last step; not out of wonder or shock, but because the roof ended in rubble and steel girders five feet in front of us. The east wall had apparently been load bearing. I looked up from the sudden drop and refocused on the main attraction: the half mile long spaceship lying about the same distance away from our position. It sat in a good sized crater, a massive rent in its side.

“Do you think anyone is still alive?”

Josh shrugged. “Could be. Depends on how up to date their anti-inertia safety systems were.”

I nodded, pretending to know what he was talking about. Ships had never struck my fancy the way they had Josh’s. Normally whenever he mentioned something I wasn’t clear on, I’d just stream the relevant data from the ‘net. Now, though, I felt blind and deaf and lost in the woods with a wolf hot my heels. I tried to shake free of the feeling, concentrating on the crashed ship. That’s when I noticed it.

“There’s no smoke,” I said, surprised. In the movies, a large disaster always coincided with an equally large plume of smoke.

“Two reasons for that,” replied Josh. “First off, spaceships are largely inflammable – metal, fire retardant plastics, that sort of thing. Second, even if they were flammable, there’s not much to start a fire. The fusion cores would have spun down before the impact, and the power system cut. No spark, no flame.”

“So what’s that, then?”

“What’s what?”

“That.” I pointed at what looked like liquid gushing from the tear in the ship’s hull.

Josh frowned, pulled out his palmtop. I followed suit, and we both raised camera lenses towards the ship and pressed the zoom button. The ship immediately seemed to leap forward, growing larger each second, until the liquid stream was rendered clear.

It wasn’t liquid.

Liquid didn’t look like humans with gray skin, shambling in a horde, arms outstretched, wounds caked with black blood, teeth gnashing, lips moving, uttering one word: brains.

I looked at Josh. Josh looked at me.

“Shit,” we said. “Zombies!”

Despite the improbability of the situation we found ourselves in, we reacted instinctively, turning and charging down the stairway. Long hours spent immersed in virtual reality shooter simulations meant we knew exactly what to do.

Jumping the last few steps, we turned left, racing along the second floor terrace, the food court visible down below to our right. We kept our attention to the left as we passed a jewelry store, clothing store, hipster music store with the sign out front proclaiming “it’s better on compact disc” until finally we reached our destination: Guns R Us.

How to Install a Cyclone Feeder System Hopper on a Tippmann 98 Custom

Step 1: Pick up instruction booklet, place in fire. If you do not have a wood stove, go outside and build a small fire. Roast some hot dogs or marshmallows while you’re there.

Step 2: Find the little screw thingy that came with the hopper. It should be in a separate little baggy. Attach the tiny little hose nozzle to the rubber hose coming out of the hopper. The hose should go all the way on — it does take some force, because it has to get over a hump (which is good; this is what secures it).

Step 3: Attach hopper feeder to gun — it attaches just like the stock hopper elbow.

Step 4: If needed, rotate the plunger and rubber tube so the tube is closest to the gun.

Step 5: Unscrew one of the screws on the side of the gun (regular slotted screw, not a hex).

Step 6: Screw in hose.

Step 7: Test.

Things to note: no disassembly is required — the instruction LIE. (Hence step 1.) Either screw hole on the side can be used; pick the one that’s best for the length of your tube. You don’t want a crimp in the tube. You may need some sort of glue, like Loctite, to keep the tube in. I haven’t played a game with the new hopper yet, so I can’t say for certain — it seemed like a pretty firm fit, but who knows.

Edit: Have since played a game that involved much sustained full-auto firing. The tube did not noticeably move.

Half-Assed Gun Control

In America, there exists a sharp divide between people who want firearms banned, à la Japan, and those who want gun control banished to the farthest reaches of hell. Each side claims the other is wrong, and pulls all sorts of statistics out of their asses to support their own claims and debunk their opponents.

The thing is, they’re both right. If we were to remove the second amendment (which we could, legally, via a constitutional amendment) and completely banned private ownership of all guns, a few years down the road I think we’d see a decrease in crime and murder. Guns don’t cause crime, no; but a gun can make a criminal more confident. Consider, which is more likely: a guy holding up a gas station with a gun, or with a knife? He’s gonna take a gun, of course. But if he doesn’t have access to a gun, he may rethink his decision.

Here’s the problem with this: the second amendment will never — I repeat, never — be repealed, thus all gun control legislation will lack the teeth it needs to make an impact.

Gun control in America is half-assed, and it always will be. Gun free zones, 30-day waiting periods, assault weapons bans, high-cap magazine bans; all are pointless when criminals can still get guns. The only reasonable solution is to relax gun control laws; specifically, carry laws. Concealed carry without a license, as is present in Alaska, Vermont, Arizona, and Wyoming is a good starts. Removing gun free zones, such as Utah has done by allowing concealed carry on school property, is the next step. I’d even go so far as to ban commercial venues from creating gun free zones, at least as far as concealed carry goes. I don’t think it’s right for a store to be able to preemptively ban a person from carrying a weapon no one knows about any more then it would be right to ban what kind of underwear customers can wear.

Movie reviews: Cargo, Battle Royale

Cargo

Science Fiction, German language, released 2009.

The year is two-thousand-near-future, and Earth has become pretty much uninhabitable. Plagues, acid rain, terrorism, it has it all. Anyone who can lives on orbiting space stations, trying to earn enough money to buy a ticket to Rhea, humanity’s only colony world. Laura Portman, M.D., is one such person. She plans on shipping out on a cargo freighter that’s destined for a government space station hanging around in the middle of nowhere, four years away. It’s never stated, but I’m presuming the ship accelerates to 99.99% the speed of light, and that four years is subjective due to time dilation. Or maybe they’ve got FTL, I dunno.

Anyway, since doctors still make a load of money, one round-trip will be enough to pay for a ticket to Rhea, so she can go join her sister. During the trip, everyone rotates, pulling eight and a half month shifts while everyone else is in cryosleep. Then mysterious things happen, people start dying, and the plot moves forward.

I’d give it somewhere around 8/10. It’s a very well put together movie — what little CGI there is is nice enough to go unnoticed, and the ship itself evokes a nice sense of disrepair and spookiness. The main problem I have is that it’s not suspenseful enough, and the Big Reveal plot twist is “o_0” at first, which is nice, but then it doesn’t stay interesting.

But watch it anyway.

Battle Royale

Japanese action movie with a sci-fi twist. Also, Quentin Tarantino’s favorite movie ever, which should tell you something.

This is an alternate reality Japan, in which the despotic government, in order to terrorize the population, has enacted the Battle Royale Act — or BR for short. Every year, the government selects a high-school class, kidnaps them, and sticks them on deserted island. They’re all forced to wear collars that track them and explode if they try to escape. They are all given a pack of supplies that contain food, water, and a random weapon. They have three days to kill each other. If there’s more then one surviver after three days, they all die.

WELL. THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN, DOESN’T IT?

I’m conflicted. On one hand, the script is a bit unclear about certain key plot points (which is what you get when you try to condense a 600+ page book) and the characters just don’t die. Fill somebody full of bullets, and they will get up again and cut your heart out with a spoon before suddenly succumbing to their wounds. A little bit of last-standing is okay, but this movie turns it up to eleven. On the other hand, this is a movie about forty kids trying to kill each other, with loads of fake blood and gore. Like Lord of the Flies, only with Uzis.

I think I’ll give it another 8/10, because it is actually a thought provoking movie — and a fun one, to boot.

Automate/Robotify Everything!

When I walk into a clothes store, I should not see racks upon racks of clothes. Rather, I should just see a bunch of dressing rooms. Upon entering these dressing rooms, I should see a touch screen computer monitor. Using this computer, I would enter my sizes. If I didn’t know, there’d be a handy x-ray scanner (like the one they’re testing in airports) that would scan me and automatically detect my sizes.

Then it would present a listing of all the clothes available, sortable by type, fabric, primary color, etc. If I like the looks of something, I can bring up a 3D rotating model of it, or view high def pictures of it. If I want to try it on, I press a button and it’s automatically shuttled from the storeroom to my dressing room within ten or twenty seconds.

Grocery stores could do this too, and it’d save a hell of a lot of space. And you could, for example, order online, then just pick up your groceries when you stop by.

…seriously, can I patent this stuff?

Sky Captain: The World of Tomorrow movie review

If I had to pick two words to describe the visual theme of this movie, it would be: HDR lighting. Okay, so HDR is an acronym, so maybe that’s cheating. But it is the only thing I could think of for the first twenty minutes of the film, until the story picked up and I could look past the blinding glare that pretty much every object cast.

This film, like Sin City, 300, and a few others that I’d have to go back to Wikipedia to check, was filmed entirely on a green screen (or maybe blue – a digital backlot, anyway). The lighting is more akin to Sin City than 300, simply in terms of overstyleization. HDR-like glows, deep shadows and over-saturation. For the first minute or so, I almost thought that some of the humans were CGI constructs, simply due to the filters and obviously CGI background. At first the look threw me, but my the end I’d come to appreciate the novelty of it. I’m not sure I’d want every film to look like this, but it fit the subject matter.

The story and writing took a bit to warm up to. The movie is set in a 1930 Buck Rogers inspired universe. Airships, ray guns, giant robots, gleaming silver rocket ships – retro-future at it’s best. A mad scientist (a Nazi mad scientist, in fact) is controlling massive armies of massive robots, stealing natural resources and mechanical things like a city’s generators. He is also kidnapping other German scientists that worked with him in the Third Reich. The world must call upon Sky Captain and his mercenary army to once again save the day.…

The two main characters are Sky Captain and his ex-girlfriend, the reporter Polly Perkins. Now, it’s not a spoiler when I say that they’re back together by the end of the movie. Any movie that features two main characters of different genders (especially when they were previously in a relationship) is bound (like, probably legally bound by the Union of Hollywood Clichés) to end with them hooking back up. However, this movie does it in a nice, funny, and amazingly enough not too sexist way.

In the end, this is the kind of movie you have to just relax and enjoy. Not because it’s a mindless action flick, but because it’s such a fantastic, out of this world homage to all things pulp sci-fi.

Random story idea

Found this in my notes. Wrote it about a year ago, never did anything with it.

Post-future dystopian city. In a state of perpetual gang warfare. The major players are Microsoft, who has bribed most of the government, Apple, who manufacturers various gadgets, and the underground Linux Mafia.

Also making an appearance are the GNU anarchist terrorists, the many faces of 4chan, facebook (system used by the government to track down and spy on everyone), Digg and Reddit (this universe’s version of the Crips and the Bloods) and many, many other other Internet cultures and software fanboys.

This is a place where “Flame War” means something involving napalm. GIMP users do drive-by shootings on Photoshoppers. Zune die-hards break into apple warehouses looking for secret plans to the ultimate mobile media device, only to be wiped out by Apple’s iKill security defences.

Dell manufacturers hunter-killer robots. Though most of their robots run Windows, Dell has begun to preload some of them with Linux. This severely strained their relationship with Microsoft, to the point where Microsoft moved a battalion of troops to the Microsoft/Dell border. In an effort to placate their Ally, Dell launched an advertising campaign with the slogan “Dell recommends Windows: Killer Edition for your Deathbot 9000.”

The Industrial district of the city is is ruins, made that way by the never ending war between Intel and AMD. Tanks and infantry roam the streets. NVidia and ATI fight over the scraps. Giant automated factories are hidden underground, producing deathbot after deathbot. Well known military researcher Gordon Moore predicts that due to the rate of technological advancement, wars will be fought with giant mechs soon. Everyone concurs that this will be awesome.

My experiments with thermal compound on my EeePC

I have an EeePC 1000HE. It’s a nice little netbook, but after multiple times of cracking it open to try and fix the fan, the thermal pads got a bit messed up and stopped transferring heat like they should.

The basic design of this laptop is something like this. On the bottom, there is the hard drive and RAM. Above this is a gap — maybe half an inch, I’m not sure — for airflow. The fan is on this level, on the left side. Due to the design, the fan really only moves the heat from the HDD and RAM. Then comes the motherboard, on which the two main heat generating chips are mounted — the CPU and (I presume, not 100% sure) the GPU.

Off the shelf, there are thermal pads attached to these chips. I’d never actually seen one of these before — they’re kinda like foam or rubber, but with apparently good heat conductivity. The heat sink is simply a large piece of metal that runs under the entire keyboard.

Now, back to my problem: my thermal pads had started to get scungy from dust and other floating particles that had accumulated while the laptop was disassembled. I decided to replace the pads with some thermal gel, in this case Arctic Silver 5.

I ordered a kit from Amazon that included two bottles of cleaning solution and 3.5 grams of Arctic Silver. First off, 3.5 grams is even less then it sounds. Second, don’t bother with the ArctiClean stuff; the first bottle is the same stuff as Goo Gone (lemon scented goop remover) and the second bottle was some sort of alcohol mixture. Thirdly, buy locally if possible, otherwise you’ll be paying $2.50 for the compound and $5.00 for Shipping and Handling. Or you may end up paying lots of money anyway because seriously, it’s a fucking ripoff.

I removed the thermal pads (turns out they peel off nicely) and purified the surface of the chips and heat sink with the cleaning solution. Then I applied a super thin layer (following Arctic Silver’s directions) to the chips, put everything back together, and it worked. Sketchily, though — it seemed cooler then before when at rest, but then is spiked past 70C when I did a stress test. I tried playing Diablo 2, and the laptop auto-shutoff after a few minutes due to overheating.

I cleaned the chips and heat sink (though it actually wasn’t marked, which should have raised some questions) and reapplied the compound, this time using a razor blade to get it nice and smooth. Put it back together, same deal. Checked the forums, found a mention of a 1mm gap between the chips and the heat sink. Ah-ha! No wonder the heat sink wasn’t marked — it hadn’t even touched the compound!

I reopened the case, added a good deal more goop to the chips, evened it out best I could, and then played D2 for a few hours. Success! Well sort of. Temps hover around 60C, which is about the same as before, maybe even 1 or 2 degrees higher.

Lesson learned: if it works, don’t fuck with it.

(I was going to post the “don’t fuck with it” flowchart but while looking through my pics folder I found this, which seem rather appropriate.)
drama lamma

Now, for some half-assed ideas on how to make it MOAR BETTAR. First, replace the heat sink with solid gold. Or silver. Or, more reasonably, copper. While you’re at it, modify the heat sink to dip down further toward the chips, so the metal is actually touching the chips. You’d still need some thermal goop, but less, which methinks would be better.

Also, extend the heat sink into the palm rest, which right now is plastic. I believe some Macbooks do this (apparently making them slightly uncomfortable). You could also make the keyboard metal, and figure out some way of effectively radiating heat through the keys. Or, have keyboard rise up at an angle (it’d have to be way sturdier then it is now) so the heat sink is directly exposed to air. Add a dash of awesome by having some small fans that pop of somewhere to blow directly onto the heat sink, and/or have fins rise from the heat sink to add to the available surface area.

BRB, patent office

Simple solution to gun-free zones

Right now, anyone who owns private property can prohibit people from carrying guns on it. These are known as gun-free zones, and are often marked by signs such a gun inside a circle with a line from it, or a notice citing the particular state law that regulates gun-free zones.

I’ve always been conflicted over this. On one hand, I think you should be able to defend yourself wherever you are. On the other hand, I get that it’s the owner’s right to ban firearms, just as it’s their right to ban people wearing “fuck you” t-shirts or loudly preaching the merits of racial purity.

Today it struck me how to reconcile these two viewpoints, and it’s pretty darn simple: enable the banning of open carrying, leave concealed carrying alone.

To reuse my examples above, stores can’t ban someone from wearing a “fuck you” t-shirt underneath a hoodie, or ban someone from having a quite conversation with their Nazi buddy where no one else can hear them. Likewise, businesses should not be able to ban someone from carrying a firearm (or any other weapon) where it cannot be seen.

Simple, logical, awesome, now gimmie a frigg’n Nobel Prize or something.