Land of the Dead: a review

Somewhere in between Day of the Dead and Land of the Dead, George Romero was bitten by a zombie. It’s the only way to explain it.

Here’s some issues, big and small, that I had with the movie. There are spoilers, but that doesn’t really matter since you should avoid this movie like the plague — watching it will lower your IQ.

  • Skateboards. A few different people skateboard in this film. Problem: at the start of the movie, someone is skateboarding in a zombie infested town. Have you ever skateboarded? If you have, you know that you can’t skate gravel. Or dirt. Or mud. Or on a mass of leaves. In other words, all the things you’d except to find in a town that’s been abandoned for ten frigging years! (Or however long it’s been — it’s never actually stated in the movie.) But nope, I guess they’ve got functioning robot street sweepers!

    And let’s not forget when there’s a guy waiting in a shack. After he hears a noise, he gets up, jumps on his skateboard, raises his gun (does he not know about Newton’s third law?) and skates the five feet toward the door. He gets what he deserves.

  • Automatic weapons. It’s common knowledge that the only way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head, so what does everybody do? They fire on full auto toward’s the zombies’ torsos, and act shocked when nothing happens.
  • So this dude steals a APC-like vehicle that’s armed with middle launchers, and says he’ll blow up the city unless… he gets two million dollars in cash. The only thing I can say to that is: WHAT! THE! FUCK!

    What the FUCK are you going to do with money in the middle of zombie infested America, huh? Even IF there still was a functioning economy in the city itself (a pretty big if — more on that in a bit) he can’t exactly go back to the place he just threatened to destroy. Completely illogical.

  • Economy. Oh man, I’m not sure where to begin… In fact, I don’t think I can write anything on this subject other then “what the fuck!?” because it is just 100% the opposite of anything remotely plausible.
  • Leadership. The city was manged by a board of directors that did… absoultley nothing? Along with an upper-class group of citizens that likewise did nothing except sit around and drink fine wine? Another WTF is called for.
  • And then there are countless incidents where characters act like utter morons for no good reason… and by “incidents” I mean “the whole damn movie.”

    I’ve heard many people say that the “…of the Dead” movies are a metaphorical, satirical take on life and society.

    If they mean that life really, really SUCKS, then I guess they’re right.

Death Troopers sucks.

Should of posted this a long time ago, but whatever: Death Troopers is the worst Star Wars book ever. Well, maybe a close second to the Tales of the Empire (or was it New Republic?) short story collection, which was SO FREAKING BAD I puked all over it. Then quietly put it back on the bookshelf and slipped out of the bookstore. (Slight exaggeration.)

Death Troopers had a lot going for it. Well, ok, just the cover… but the cover alone was enough to make me go blind from the sheer awesomeness of the thing. If I could get that thing as a poster, I would.

And the book even starts alright — the first chapter is pretty creepy. Then the characters open their mouths and it all comes crashing down. On top of bad dialog is the fact that everyone seems to be holding the idiot ball and not noticing when corpses start disappearing and shit. (The whole thing was a terribly contrived way to add suspense. I’m supposed to believe that these zombies are going to sneak around, carefully remaining hidden and avoiding the survivors just in order to… what, inflict psychological harm? Yeah.)

And so then some stuff happens, some people die (not as awesome as it sounds — I think the Lucasfilm people might have edited it down, or the author just sucks) some more stuff happens, and the escape, and everyone lives happily ever after. Mhm. Dawn of the dead this is not.

In summation: could have been so frigg’n awesome. Later on in my life I would not mind funding a low budget indie adaption of this, in the vein of Alien. With the script completely reworked my yours truly, of course.

Phantom Hourglass: yeah, it’s awesome.

After my last post about how much Spirit Tracks sucks, I decided to replay Phantom Hourglass. And yep, it’s awesome. I think it’s better then Ocarina of Time. Furthermore, Linebeck is the greatest supporting character of any Zelda game ever made.

Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

Trains? THEY SUCK ASS! It’s the most literal definition of “on rails” as possible, and it is mega un-fun. Phantom Hourglass was way better — and, of course, the Game Boy’s Link’s Awakening was the pinnacle of handheld Zelda games. It so deserves a remake.

Christmas time. Bah humbug.

Man, Christmas is just not fun as a 19 year old when you compare it to when you were younger. The magic is gone.

And now they’re telling me Santa Claus doesn’t exist? Fuck this, I’m building a time machine.

Unintended Consequences

After reading for about 20 straight hours, I finished the novel Unintended Consequences. It’s a pretty long book.

Basic plot is… well, the basic plot actually has nothing to do with most of the book, and doesn’t start until page 500 or so.

The main theme, however, is firearms and related laws. Honestly, that’s all the book is about.

Good book, anyway. It’s a must read if you can manage an almost 900 page, small print novel. Read the Wikipedia page for more info.

EDIT: after reading some of the reviews on the Amazon page, my mind was opened a bit, and I realized that this book should have been split in two: one non-fiction dissertation on the history and effects of gun control; and one (reasonably sized) work of fiction that covers the main plot of the current Unintended Consequences novel.

I am a worker bee!

Fr the first time EVER, I’ve contributed to an open source project. Yes indeed. I added Sublime Text to Wine’s AppDB.

Not much, no, but whatever. Still makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. ^_^

The synaptic touchpad driver utilities SUCK

synclient randomly seems to reset itself to the wrong values, and syndaemon –t is pretty much useless, as the touchpad turn back on if you hold down a key for more then a second, or if you hit another key within that time. So if you want your touch pad to auto-turn off while typing, you’re limited to < 60 characters per minutes. Fuck that.

Review: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor

Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor — for Nintendo DS

This game is, in some ways, very reminiscent of The World Ends With You. They’re both set in Tokyo, they both involve a 7-day countdown, they both have time limits for each mission, and they both have to do with the afterlife/underworld.

Devil Survivor, however, plays completely differently. It’s a tactical RPG with many layers of depth. You control a party of up to four humans. Each human is accompanied by two demons. There are no “action points” like some tactical games. Instead, you can take every action once per turn, in any order.

For example, you can cast a defense-boosting spell with one demon, and offence boosting spell with the other, then move towards an enemy, then attack the enemy, then cast a healing spell with the human.

Yes, all on one turn.

Demons are are like Pokemon, only cooler. But these creatures don’t come in poke balls — they’re bought and sold in a market. Any demons you defeat in battle are sent to the market. You then can buy them — bid on them, actually. Computer players bid against you, and can win if you’re stingy with your cash.

But not all demons can be bought — the really awesome ones have to be created. You can fuse demons together to form new type. This requires some strategy in order to get the best carry-over of stats and spells from you old demons to the new one.

Speaking of spells, it’s rather interesting how you learn new ones. Your demons learn them automatically, but your human party members have to fight for them. At the beginning of every battle, you can set the “skill cracks,” where you assign a party member to a particular demon’s skill. If you defeat that demon with that party member, you “steal” the selected spell. You can only assign three spells at once, per character, so your extra spells go in your skill folder. You can reassign them to your hearts content outside of battle.

Battles are interesting. You first choose what each of your fighters (your two demons and the human) are going to do. Then every body springs into motion and blasts the hell out of each other with crazy-awesome (and very pretty) spells. There’s six elemental types, to which every demon can be weak or strong against (or absorb, block, or reflect). Likewise, every spell is aligned to one of those elements.

After everbody finishes their move, each combatant gets a chance at an extra turn. These are awarded for doing certain things, such as scoring a critical hit, absorbing or reflecting a spell, or just being lucky. After the extra turn (if there is any) combat ends.

tl;dr: This game is awesome. If you like RPGs and/or tactical games, I suggest you rent/buy/pirate the game right now.

Firefox doesn’t suck — Ubuntu does

“Firefox is bloated.“
“Firefox sucks!“
“Firefox runs faster in Wine, ZOMG!“
“WTF, FX?”

Complaints like these are quite common. A number of people are convinced that Firefox runs like crap on Linux — so slow that even the Windows version running via Wine goes faster.

I, too, was one of those people. When I ran Ubuntu on my laptop, Firefox would take ~5 seconds to switch tabs. It would hang while scrolling. The rise and fall of the Roman Empire took about as long as Firefox did starting up.

It sucked.

I thought Chromium was a gift from the gods when I found it.

But then I switched to Sidux, and last night I gave Firefox another try. And guess what? It’s fast! Not quite as snappy as chromium, but pretty darn close!

The only conclusion I can come to is that Ubuntu is doing something terribly wrong. What, I haven’t a clue.